Dixie Chicks

OK, they'ev created a storm of controversey. I especially hated the FUTK shirt.
In the last few years, who are we to say they're wrong in their political views? At least they express them, unlike most people in the public eye.
I LOVE their new song "Not Ready To Make Nice". It accurately sums up their firestorm, and can be applied on a personal level as well.
The first time I heard it this afternoon, I felt it on a personal level.

Forgive, sounds good
Forget, I’m not sure I could
They say time heals everything
But I’m still waiting

I’m through with doubt
There’s nothing left for me to figure out
I’ve paid a price
And I’ll keep paying

I’m not ready to make nice
I’m not ready to back down
I’m still mad as hell and
I don’t have time to go round and round and round
It’s too late to make it right
I probably wouldn’t if I could
‘Cause I’m mad as hell
Can’t bring myself to do what it is you think I should

I know you said
Can’t you just get over it
It turned my whole world around
And I kind of like it

I made my bed and I sleep like a baby
With no regrets and I don’t mind sayin’
It’s a sad sad story when a mother will teach her
Daughter that she ought to hate a perfect stranger
And how in the world can the words that I said
Send somebody so over the edge
That they’d write me a letter
Sayin’ that I better shut up and sing
Or my life will be over

I’m not ready to make nice
I’m not ready to back down
I’m still mad as hell and
I don’t have time to go round and round and round
It’s too late to make it right
I probably wouldn’t if I could
‘Cause I’m mad as hell
Can’t bring myself to do what it is you think I should

I’m not ready to make nice
I’m not ready to back down
I’m still mad as hell and
I don’t have time to go round and round and round
It’s too late to make it right
I probably wouldn’t if I could
‘Cause I’m mad as hell
Can’t bring myself to do what it is you think I should

Forgive, sounds good
Forget, I’m not sure I could
They say time heals everything
But I’m still waiting

The MUNSA Test

Have you an unusual Intelligence? Do you find you lose interest in supposedly "Interesting movies"? It could be that you're one of the 5% of the population that has the mental capacity of a steaming turd! If so, you may want to join MUNSA - Mentally Unemployed and Noticeably Stupid Association.

Try the questionnaire below. The results could surprise you! If you can't even read the question, you're halfway there already - just get someone to fill out our full colour brochure at any trailing chemist, and you'll be in for some, good old fashioned non-challenging material.

1. Which of the following WAS one of the famous Marx Brothers?

a. STRETCH
b. SKID
c. HARPO
d. TYRE

2. The number missing from the series (1,2,4,..,16) is:

a. YELLOW
b. GERANIUM
c. 8
d. TYRE

3. The letter missing from the series (a,b,c,..,e) is:

a. z
b. b
c. d
d. TYRE

4. A man walks into a Barber Shop, with $5.00. He buys 2 lemons at 45c each, 1 Pickled Eel for $2.40, 4 packets of washing powder for $3.15 each. What will happen?

a. The Barber will wonder where all the stuffs coming from
b. He wasn't in a Barber's shop, it was a Dairy
c. The Barber will ask him if he's from MUNSA
d. Tyre

5. Two trains leave the same station, but moving in opposite directions. The first train is traveling at 50km/hr EAST, while the second one is traveling 50km/hr WEST. Which train is traveling the fastest?

a. The one going EAST
b. The one going WEST
c. Neither
d. Tyre
e. Why aren't there (e.)'s in all the other questions

6. What comes next in the series (RED, GREEN)

a. A car
b. Orange
c. Insufficient Data
d. Tyre

7. Mona Lisa was:

a. A dissatisfied Woman
b. A Song by Billy Idol
c. A painting
d. Tyre

8. The cold war was about:

a. Ice
b. Autumn
c. A few people at the top not liking each other
d. Tyre

9. Complete the following Sequence: (Tyre Tyre Tyre)

a. Tyre
b. Tyre
c. Tyre
d. Pardon?

Ok, time to total up all your marks. Those of you who haven't mastered addition yet, go straight on to the application; you're the sort of person we're looking for. If not, Give yourself 5 points for every D, -5 for every C, (+10 if you can't add negative numbers yet), 0 for every B and 0 for every A you ticked. How did you do?

90 to 50: OK! You're the sort of person we're looking for. Add 10 points to your score if you haven't got the hang of using anything but crayons yet.

50 to -20: Who's been doing late night studying then? Sorry, you're just a run of the mill pleb - push off.

-20 to -90: A computer geek I bet. Go join some place where they talk big numbers and floppy disks!

Is 85 between 90 and 50? All right! Go to the bottom of the class! You're a leading light in our Association; get someone to fill the form in for you and welcome aboard!

What will MUNSA do for you?

MUNSA is a group of people just like yourself, and as such will have much the same interests. We'll meet once a month to watch American Game Shows (Except for our "advanced" class which will be watching the Australian Imitations), Television Dating Games, and listening to Public readings of Romance Novels. Also at the meetings, you'll have the opportunity to buy:

* Swamp land at ridiculously inflated prices

* Genuine Japanese imports with UNTAMPERED ODOMETERS (with scratches on it)

* Slice/Dice/Mince/Stack shelf-mount food mungers from C-Tel

* "Safe" relocatable houses from Chernobyl and many many more things, as yet not exploited.

As a special initial offer, you will be given a free Brain Warning device which rings an alarm if your IQ gets above 25, in time for you to go back to your local for a couple of jugs of your favorite Weasels.

Newly issued alcohol warnings

1. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to wake up with a breath that could knock a buzzard off a wreaking dead animal that is one hundred yards away.

2. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like an idiot.

3. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the same boring story over and over again until your friends want to assault you

4. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to thay shings like thish.

5. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the boss what you really think of him.

6. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable rug burn on the forehead.

7. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, handsomer and smarter than some really, really big guy named Psycho Bob.

Women Are Bitches

Now that may sound funny, considering that I AM a woman, but it's true.
My so-called friend started telling lies about me, so I ended the friendship. Too bad...she was a fun drinking buddy!

Getting To Know Me

What time did you get up this morning?
10:30 am

Diamonds or pearls?
DIAMONDS

What was the last film you saw at the cinema?
HARRY POTTER & THE GOBLET OF FIRE

What did you have for breakfast?
COFFEE & HALF A TURKEY SANDWICH

What is your middle name?
ANNE

What is your favorite cuisine?
MEXICAN

What foods do you dislike?
PEAS, OLIVES AND SEAFOOD

Favorite food?
CAJUN DIRTY RICE

Favorite flower?
DAISIES

Favorite color?
BLUE

When is your birthday?
APRIL 6

Most memorable birthday?
TURNING 16 IN ACAPULCO, MEXICO

What characteristics do you despise?
LIARS, PEOPLE WHO PRESENT THEMSELVES UNDER FALSE PRETENSE AND STUPIDITY

Favorite item of clothing?
MY HARLEY LEATHER JACKET

Where would you want to retire to?
NORTH CAROLINA

Where were you born?
ARLINGTON HEIGHTS, IL

Favorite Sport to watch?
FOOTBALL EVEN THOUGH THE BEARS ARE ALWAYS DISAPPOINTING

Favorite CD (at the moment)?
HOWIE DAY'S AUSTRALIA

Coke or Pepsi?
MT. DEW!!

Are you a morning person or night owl?
NIGHTOWL.

What size shoe do you wear?
10

How many pets?
1 DOG, 4 CATS, 2 GERBILS, 12 FISH...AND A PARTRIDGE IN A PEAR TREE!

Any new and exciting news you'd like to share with everyone?
NOPE, UNLESS YOU COUNT MY GETTING 2 NEW PRESCRIPTIONS THIS WEEK NEWS.

Favorite Candy Bar?
REESES PEANUT BUTTER CUPS

Favorite TV show(s)?
ER, FRIENDS AND MY NAME IS EARL

Favorite vacation place?
OUTER BANKS, NORTH CAROLINA

What is your best childhood memory?
GIVING OUR BEAGLE BROWNIE BATHS IN THE KIDDIE POOL IN THE BACKYARD WITH MY DAD

Different jobs you have had in your life?
RETAIL CASHIER, OFFICE MANAGER, DISPATCHER, LIMO DRIVER, BARTENDER, TELEMARKETER

Nicknames?
DEBRAZINSKI

Piercing?
6 IN MY LEFT EAR, 2 IN MY RIGHT

Ever been to Africa?
NO


Furthest you have ever been from home?
MEXICO

Ever been toilet papering?
NO...BUT I TRIED! MY MOM CAUGHT US TRYING TO SNEAK OUT

Been in a car accident?
YES, 1 BAD ONE AND A FEW FENDER BENDERS

Croutons or bacon bits?
CAN I HAVE BOTH? WITH RANCH DRESSING?

Favorite day of the week?
FRIDAY NIGHT

Favorite restaurants?
OUTBACK AND ZSA ZSA'S

Favorite ice cream?
BEN & JERRY'S PHISH FOOD

Favorite fast food restaurant?
TACO BELL

What color is your bedroom carpet?
WE LIVE IN AN APARTMENT. IT'S ALL BORING BEIGE.

What is the color of your bathroom?
SEAFOAM GREEN

What did you want to be when you were little?
A VET OR A DOCTOR

How many times did you fail your drivers test?
ONCE. I BACKED INTO A LIGHT POLE AND KNOCKED OFF THE SIDE MIRROR ON THE PASSENGER SIDE OF THE CAR

Before this one, from whom did you get your last e-mail?
BETH

At which store would you choose to max out your credit card?
CRATE & BARREL

What do you do most often when you are bored?
READ

Last person you went to dinner with?
JEFF

Ford or Chevy?
FORD

What are you listening to right now?
THE NEWS ON TV AND THE KIDS PLAYING VIDEO GAMES. Doodlebug IS HAVING A SLEEPOVER.

How many tattoos do you have?
NINE

Which came first, the chicken or the egg?
THE EGG

What were you NOT told when you were a child about being an adult:
PAYING BILLS REALLY SUCKS AND SAVING MONEY IS NEARLY IMPOSSIBLE.
PEOPLE ARE NOT ALWAYS WHAT THEY SEEM TO BE, EVEN YOUR FRIENDS SOMETIMES.

Death In The Family

Jeff's grandfather passed away late Thursday night, and we buried him on Monday.
I was more moved than I expected to be, and broke down once we got home. I couldn't cry at the service; I hate people to see me cry. I fought it back, though it was hard.
I remember being deathly afraid of Bob when I first met him.
When it snowed less than an inch, and was icy, I would go over and shovel & salt his driveway for him, since his service wouldn't come out for less than an inch.
I found these GREAT German pickles and cookies, and would bring them over sometimes, before I moved out of Rockford.
Jeff and I cut a tree down for him once. I was covered in pine tar, and sweating my ass off, but I felt apprecieated.
He was a great man to his family, and in that sense, he owned the world. having lost my own Grandfather when I was only 10, I was fonder of him than I let on, but I think he knew it anyway.
I only kissed him once, and that was this past Christmas. It was before we knew about the cancer, before we knew how little time he had left. I am glad I kissed him good-bye that one time. It means more to me that I did it before we knew he was dying; it seems less superficial that way.
I will miss him.

Drugs

I take too amny of them. I am up to 8 prescriptions. That's as many as my 89 year old Gram takes. Some of them make me sane, some of them make me crzy. I'm going to list them, and if anyone has any input, it would be apprecieated!!

Neorontin
Makes me feel stoned. I take 900mg per day. I also feel like the top 2 layers of skin in my hands has been peeled away and am SUPER sensentive to touch. I take it for spasms in my back. It's a new scrip, and I've been on it less than a week.

Elavil
20 mg per day to help me sleep and dispell bad dreams.
It's a new scrip, and I've been on it less than a week.

Darvocet N100
For pain. And a nice buzz with a few drinks. 3 or 4 per day.

Baclofen
3 to 6 20 mg pills per day. Muscle relaxers. No effect anymore...I have been on them too long.

Xanax
Lots and lots for anxiety. I am an anxious person!!

Zoloft
My anti-bitch pills. Unless I am on them, no one can stand to be in the same room with me for more than 5 minutes! They help with my attitude as well as my anxiety and generally make me a more tolerable person.

Prevacid
Turns out too much OTC Motrin can give you an ulcer. Who knew?!?! They prescribed
1800 mg OTC and it ate a hole in my tummy, so now I take this.

Reglan
This is supposed to help with the nausea associated with my anxiety. It helps. Especially since I have IBS as well!!

I am a mess!! And the worst part is, now I have cut back on my drinking, but I am a pharmaceutical junkie now, Doctor sanctioned. I don't know what's worse. All I know is that I can't function without either one of my vices anymore, and that is a sad thing. I can barely walk most days. I am depressed in the clinical sense of the diagnosis. But, despite it all, I try to remain optomistic.
It's hard though!!

Nick Lachey and Jessica Simpson

I'm not sure why, but I find even the demise of their relationship facinating. It's like the really bad car crash you can't look away from...
Here's what they have to say.
USA TODAY's Karen Thomas does a comparison:
Current condition

Nick Lachey

"Don't feel sorry for me. ... I have a great life," Lachey tells Teen People, on newsstands Friday.

Jessica Simpson
"I feel like I can do anything, and there's nobody to answer to but myself," Simpson tells W, on sale Friday in New York and nationwide March 17. "I've finally come to the realization that it's OK to not be perfect."

What's ahead
Nick Lachey
"I can't wait until the day I have kids. Obviously, it's not the right time for me to be a father, but the one thing I haven't had the chance to dois be a great dad."

Jessica Simpson
Her first-ever personal checkbook. "She asked the other day for a checkbook, and I looked at her like she was kidding," her assistant and friend CaCee Cobb tells W.

Romance

Nick Lachey
Photographed recently with former Miss Kentucky USA Elizabeth Ann Arnold. He doesn't talk about his love life in Teen People.

Jessica Simpson
Linked in tabloids to Maroon 5 frontman Adam Levine and actor Jude Law. Though W refers to these reports, she refuses to comment on them.

Ex-factor

Nick Lachey
During a photo shoot at a Malibu mansion for the magazine, Lachey says he would love to live in a similar house,then adds that it isn't Simpson's style at all.

Jessica Simpson
She tells W that she talks to Lachey every few days and that he's "absolutely" one of her best friends.

Professional resume

Nick Lachey
Just released a new single, What's Left of Me, with still-untitled CD tentatively set for May release. Also, he helped launch yfly.com,a website with an online community for teens.

Jessica Simpson
Currently filming Employee of the Month (due later this year), in which she stars as a Costco hottie.

McDonalds

The average American will eat at Mickey D's 1,879 times during their life.
How many chicken McNuggets is that? How many Quarter Pounders with cheese? Considering the fact that we have 4 kids, I don't even want to think about it. I'm sure we'll finish out waaaaaaaaaaaaaay above the average, as we eat that crap at least once a week. I saw the documentary, and still can't get past the part where he vomited in the parking lot. Eeeeeeeeeeew.
But I still love my Big & Tasty, all 68 grams of fat and all. And my fries, which have come under fire as of late. YUM!!

Sexual Innuendo

Thinking of someone tonight...


What ravages of spirit
Conjured this temptuous rage
Created you a monster
Broken by the rules of love
And fate has led you through it
You do what you have to do
And fate has led you through it
You do what you have to do ...
And I have the sense to recognize that
I don’t know how to let you go
Every moment marked
With apparitions of your soul
I’m ever swiftly moving
Trying to escape this desire
The yearning to be near you
I do what I have to do
The yearning to be near you
I do what I have to do
But I have the sense to recognize
That I don’t know how
To let you go
I don’t know how
To let you go
A glowing ember
Burning hot
Burning slow
Deep within I’m shaken by the violence
Of existing for only you
I know I can’t be with you
I do what I have to do
I know I can’t be with you
I do what I have to do
And I have sense to recognize but
I don’t know how to let you go
I don’t know how to let you go
I don’t know how to let you go


And what I know should be...

how stupid could I be
a simpleton could see
that you're no good for me
but you're the only one I see

love has made me a fool
it set me on fire and watched as I floundered
unable to speak
except to cry out and wait for your answer
but you come around in your time
speaking of fabulous places
create an oasis
dries up as soon as you're gone
you leave me here burning
in this desert without you

everything changes
everything falls apart
can't stop to feel myself losing control
but deep in my senses I know

Dipshit

Not naming any names...buuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuut...
I had a sick kid in my house over the weekend. Not only a sick kid, but a kid who had been sick AND missed three days of school last week. Talk about a lapse in parental reasoning! Only one of many, but the only one that I care to mention today because I am still pissed off about it and going into other occurances will only fuel my fire.
I try to be nice. I have tried to cultivate a civil relationship, and then she does something like this that makes me want to put on my steel-toed Harley boots and kick her in the head. But it's such a pretty head. At least she has that one saving grace, not that it matters to me. But because of it it means I am stuck dealing with the air that leaks out on a consistent basis.
Moral of the story? Never date men who have been married!!!

Daytona 500 Commentary

Ok, so I am a few days behind with my review.
I am in mourning. Jamie McMurray should have stayed in his old car. Not only did #42 finish in 3rd place, #26 wiped it and hit the wall in his first outing in the new car. NOT a great way to start out the year. And that's not mentioning the pit where he fucked up and crossed the line. (sigh) Maybe I need to pick a new driver. Not to mention that I hate Crown Royal and the color purple. It's a sissly looking little car.
pussy partner. I detest the fact that he dedicated his win to all the "haters". Kiss my patootie!!
Other than that is was a fun day....we stayed at home with the kiddos and I cooked all day. We had free sampling of the NASCAR in-car cameras and audio through our cable company, which would have been fun, but the cameras kept going out on us.
And I love love loved the pissing contest between Stewart & Kenseth. THIS could make for a fun season...the two worst tempers in the game butting heads!

Blog Slacker

I have not been paying attention to my blog
It just sits here as I am a bump on a log
The news no longer intrests me
As I have not shot anybody.
I get drunk and listen to my iPod
And rhapodize over Eminem's hot bod
I have nothing good so say
And have considered calling it a day.
But why?!?!?
People like my blog, it may make them cry
If I were suddenly gone
Life would seem oh-so-wrong!!
So comment often and comment well
Tell me that without me, life would be hell
I promise to be more insightful
To post about news items that are delightful.
You won't hear a peep about my back
Even when it's really fuckin' outta whack.

8 Mile Curse

I am in an Eminem groove tonight.
After I listen to ALL my favorite songs on my iPod (my kids keep saying it's too loud) I'm going to go watch 8 Mile.
What ARE my fave songs by Eminem?!?!?
LOSE YOURSELF
Because I am back on food stamps...and it's true they don't buy the goddamn diapers, even though I don't need diapers anymore. I only applied for public aid this time because of the Medicaid and given all my medical problems I had no choice.
CRAZY IN LOVE
Because I've been in enough dysfunctional relationships to GET this song...and to think his relationship with Kim is romantic. It's a fucked up love story, but is IS a love story...probably the best of our generation, but no one pays attention.
LIKE TOY SOLDIERS
Just because I remember the original by Martika, and it was one of my favorite songs.
MOCKINGBIRD
Little soldier. Stiffen up your little lip. I say shit like that to my kids. I want them to be tough. And I LOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE the video, I love the personal introspection.
LOVE YOU MORE
Like I said, he and Kim are a love story. A dysfunctional one, based as much on hate as love. I have been through shit like this...and I relate to it. No one writes songs like this..."the more that you slap more that it turns me on. Are you angry? Good! Cause you're so beautiful when you're angry".
You fuck other people and I fuck other people, and I fuck other people...one of my BEST relationships was of this nature.
CLEANIN' OUT MY CLOSET
Just because I spent SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO many years of my life hating my mother. We're at peace now, but it WAS tough for a long time.
There's a line in the song that makes me think of my oldest daughter's father..."I was a baby maybe just a couple a months, my faggot father musta had his panties up in a bunch...cause he split I wonder if he even kissed me goodbye (her father didn't)NO I don't on second though I just wish he would die!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
SUPERMAN
Just cause he looks like my best friend in this video and it makes me horny, ha ha ha!!
STAN
It was the 1st song that made me like a rap singer. I am a country/rock girl. This is TOTALLY out of my milleu!! And it's one of about 5 songs that consistently gives me goosebumps. I liked Dido before this song came out, but I though the sampling was AWESOME!!
THE WAY I AM
Because he's telling the whole world to fuck off!! I HAVE to love that!!
MARSHALL MATHERS
Because nobody wants you unless you you're somebody. I have had money, and people love you. I have been living in my car, and nobody wants to know you then. It's abot what's real and what's not...especially in the celebrity world. None of that is real. For me, it's just something fun I read while I am taking a shit. Thank you, Star magazine!!
KIM
Because it's part of their fucked up love story. It's real.
My husband had MANY MANY other women in my bed.
BESIDES...
I HATE the name Kim. I lost a great friend and a great love to a woman named Kim. I hope she dies a painful death. It's OK for me to wish this upon her...I'm already going to hell. So long...bitch you did me so wrong, I don't want to go on living in this world...
The song is a story of a good man with a bad woman, and I KNOW someone like this. I goddamn loved someone like this, and I lost him when he went back to her. Kim's a BITCH!!!!!!!!!

It's for shit. I got married when I was 16 to a piece of white trash shit. I know what you're thinking...who ELSE gets married at 16 but white trash?!!? I wasn't. I grew up in a pretty suburban home and went to a preppy high school. But I fell in looooooooove with a piece of shit and married him, got pregnant and moved to a trailer park in Warren Michigan, right at 8 1/2 and Ryan. (I think the blue & white trailer in the movie was the one I used to live in, where my daughter was born and came home to)
Then I split up with the cheating acne riddled husband. I lived off of 8 mile right by Rally's. I had people try to pick me up while I was walking home from the store to buy cigarettes because they thought I as a hooker, because that was the type of neighborhood we lived in. Never the mind that I had my 2 year old daughter walkng with me.
I hope the 8 Mile curse can be broken twice. Marshall Mathers made it out as a singer/rapper. I'm going to make it as a writer.

If the curse is broken twice, maybe people will start to see it as a hotbed for talent.

Vomit

Why does illness always play a major part in my life?
I was a severe morning sickness sufferer when I was pregnant.
I have borderline OCD when it comes to vomit. I hate vomit. I hate to do it, see it, smell it, hear it and be around anyone who has done it recently. With 4 kids, you can imagine how hard this is. Even pet vomit makes me ill. Tess puked up her dinner last night. EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEW! Toby puked up his lunch today...or mabey it was Harley or Annie...anyway, I stepped in it. UGH!!!

State Of The Union

As I am ardently anti-Bush, I seriously doubt that anything he has to say tonight will improve my opinion of him.
Immigrants bad for the economy...he says we can't function without them. No offense, but they invade our country, we give them tax breaks, welfare and free education. MY standard of living is shit, but because I am a citiczen and white, I can't get a break to save my life.
Permanent tax cuts? I have yet to see them benefit my family. We're not in the six figure income range, that's why.
Reduce discretionary spending??!? And lose those $20,000 toilet seats? Doubtful.
I am sickened. And I am disgusting myself, and lowering the standard of this blog. I try to avoid Bush bashing at all costs, but I couldn't resist tonight.

The Oprah Show Verdict

Well, it wasn't what we thought it would be. After being strip searched (not really, but damn close...I managed to sneak my cell and a lighter into the show!! HAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHA.)
We were then herded into a room like cattle, where we spent 3 hours with nothing to drink and limited restroom oppourtunities. DEPRESSING!!
The shows were ok...I got to shake Oprah's hand twice, and we had really great seats for the second taping.
Final verdict? Sitting in the bar in Oglvie station was more fun waiting for our train than the shows were. At least it's something we can cross off of our "Things To Do Before We Die Lists". Would we do it again?!? Hell no!!
We were seated in the waiting room next to a BITCH who bragged that she was a finalist on The Apprentice, and that everyone told her that she looked like Faith Hill. Me and Camille thought she was a Monet Bitch (if you need transaltion, watch Clueless!!) If you're blonde, were there on 1/26...you know who you are if you read this. Take your attitude and your law firm and stick it up your tight ass!! As to your wondering WHY you're still single, it's because you're an egotistical bitch!!! (grin) We HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATED her!!
Eva Longoria and Tony Parker were on the 1st show we saw taped, and she is adorable and TINY!! Her feet didn't even reach the floor on Oprah's couch. They had to give her a pillow to sit on.
All in all, I'd give the expierience a 5 out of 10. Don't go, unless you're prepared for estrogen overload, which we were not. Even though we drank screwdrivers on the train!!!

OPRAH!!

I have negated to post simply because I have had nothing interesting to report.
Now I do.
This Thursday, my friend Camille and I are going to go see Oprah!! YAHOOOOOOOO!! We get to see 2 shows, one about Desperate Housewives (which I have never seen, but C loves) and one on relationships. Which is how I got the tickets. I sent an e-mail detailing my man's inability to commit, and they LOVED it, said they had a zillion other ones like it, and would I like to come to the show and ask a relationship expert my question? HELL YEAH I WOULD!!!!

Better Day

Amazing what a good night's sleep will do for one's outlook. (I consider anything over three straight hours to be 'good' lately).
It's only life; we all get through it. It's only money. I will try not to focus too much on it. At least I'll lose a few pounds this way ;)

Sad Days

Stress is eating my brain. I am taking Darvon and chasing it with Bacardi to calm down, to bring the stress monster back to a managable level. I am snacking on Xanax. I smoke 3 packs of cigarettes every day.
What has turned me into this lovely little ball of anxiety? Financial woes. Amazing how money rules your life, especially if you have none.
And the Bears lost. Boo hoo. At least I didn't place any bets!

Cancer

I have been a deliquent poster yet again.
My eldest daughter had a sinus infection this week, and was home for two days, so I camped out on the couch with her watching Friends and ER reruns.
We found out a family member has cancer and have been trying to acclimate ourselves to the bad news. It is Jeff's grandfather, he is in his 80's and not in the best of health anyway. Tonight the rest of the family went up there for a visit, and they took away all his guns because they're afraid he may try to take his own life. It's a very trying time for all of us, and any prayers would be apprecieated.
Both our famlies combined, this is the 5th cancer victim. He will eventually succumb to the disease, and will be the 4th loss due to cancer. My mother is a breast cancer survivor...1 year cancer free.
It scares me. It scares Jeff. It should scare everyone. We need to find a cure for this scourge. I know there have been great strides, but it is not enough. We need to eradicate cancer in all forms.

Couch Potato

I used to have a fear of dying alone and my rotting corpse being devoured by my pets. I know they love me, but I also know anamalistic instinct overrides affection, and they would have no qualms about making me dinner after a week or so.
I haven't thought about this since moving in with my boyfriend, but this story brought it all rushing back. (shudder) I hope the cats would respect me enough to at least TRY to eat the fish before chowing down on my corpse.
The mummified body of a woman who didn't want to be buried was found in a chair in front of her television set 2 1/2 years after her death, authorities said.
Pope died in August 2003 at age 61. Her body was found last week in the upstairs of her home on a quiet street. Some family members continued to live downstairs, authorities said. No one answered the doorbell at Pope's home Monday afternoon
It could take weeks to determine Pope's cause of death because little organ tissue was available for testing, Owens said.
An air conditioner had been left running upstairs, and that allowed the body to slowly mummify, he said. The machine apparently stopped working about a month ago, and the body began to smell.

Bad Karma

A US man threw a mouse he had found in his home onto a pile of burning leaves - only to see it run away and burn his house down. Quote: "I had some leaves burning outside, so I threw it in the fire, and the mouse was on fire and ran back at the house.
If you watch My Name Is Earl, you know the man probably had been trapping mice for years and frying them in sunflower seed oil and eating them with a nice side salad.
Karma's a bitch.

Horray! Fight The System!! Down With Outsourcing!!

A Canadian credit card holder is putting a new twist on an old trick practiced by disgruntled debtors -- repaying his bill in pennies to maximize the collector's inconvenience.
Unhappy when his Canadian bank began outsourcing some of its credit card processing to the United States, the man lodged his protest via the bank's online payment system, jamming its computers by making dozens of tiny payments a day.
Don Rogers said he was worried that anti-terrorism laws in the United States could allow the U.S. government to access his data without his consent.
"I don't want the CIA or George Bush to know how many cases of Viagra I bought last week, or what church or charities I donate to," he told Reuters.
Rogers said his card has since been canceled by Vancouver-based Citizens Bank, but he will continue paying his remaining balance of $1,000 Canadian dollars, about $860, one little bit at a time.
He has also decided to run in the Jan. 23 federal election as a candidate for a fringe party that wants to abolish the North American Free Trade Agreement linking Canada, the United States and Mexico.
Citizens Bank spokesman Rolf Baumbusch said such outsourcing was commonplace among Canadian banks because there were "very limited opportunities" for doing the work in Canada. Canada's federal privacy commissioner has ruled the practice is legal as long as customers are informed.
But Canadians should be aware of cross-border privacy issues, said Arthur Cockfield
a law professor at Queen's University in Kingston, Ontario
"More and more our personal information is being rendered into digital formats and zips around the world," he said, adding that any credit card data sent to the United States is subject to U.S. law.
Roger's initial attempt at paying in pennies produced a statement over 32 feet long, according to media reports.

Brian Urlacher

Brian Urlacher was a frustrated man a year ago. He was injured and called overrated as the Chicago Bears struggled through their third straight losing season.
Now?
The Bears are in the playoffs for the first time in four years. WHEEEEEEEEEEEE!! An excuse to drink excessively. If they win, we're celebrating. If they lose, we're mourning. Either way, we'll be totally pissed!!
And Urlacher, the latest leader of the Monsters of the Midway, won The Associated Press NFL Defensive Player of the Year award Friday.
The Bears' star middle linebacker and the public face of a ferocious defense that allowed the fewest points in the league this season, Urlacher adds the honor to his 2000 AP Defensive Rookie of the Year award.
"It's definitely exciting," Urlacher said during a conference call. "It's a big honor. When you look at the great defensive players in this league, there's a bunch of them out there."
But his eyes are on a bigger prize.
"This is my sixth year," Urlacher said. "I really hope I have a long way to go and a lot of stuff to prove in this league. I want a ring. All this stuff is great and good, whoop de do. But I want that Super Bowl ring. I feel like we have a really good chance to do it this year." Full-field coverage, intimidating hits and big plays do give us an edge.
And Urlacher did plenty of that this season, after being limited to nine games by leg injuries last season.
"This whole season was a blessing," Urlacher said. "To go through what I went through last year, it was just so frustrating. I can't really explain it because I never had to deal with anything like that before. I had been healthy my whole career high school, college and, up to that point, the NFL."
Besides the injuries, there was the criticism. Eight scouts and two TV analysts all unnamed ranked him the most overrated player in the NFL in a Sporting News article. BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!

Mining Mishap

I won't delve into the details surrounding the accident; if you're like me, you've been innundated with images on your local news as well as CNN.
What boggles me is that so much attention is focused on the communication breakdown. It is unfathomable how it happened in the first place. It is even more horrendous that they realized the mistake within 20 minutes, yet waited nearly three hours to rectify the misinformation. Doubtless, they were even then formulating excuses.
I am saddedned for the families. To have been given false hope and then have it yanked away like that. To have excuses made, yet no apologies issued.
The president of the mining company's opening line at the press confrence was "Welcome to the worst day of my life". Do you doubt for one second that he was referring to the lawsuits that are sure to ensue, or to the bereaved? I believe it was a referral to the suits to come. There was no empathy in his manner, only fear for his own ass.
May God be with these people in their time of mourning. The tragedy will not focus on the human aspect in this case, but on those in the frying pan.

Is The Skull Mozart's?

Have scientists found Mozart's skull? Researchers said Tuesday they'll reveal the results of DNA tests in a documentary airing Sunday on Austrian television as part of a year of celebratory events marking the composer's 250th birthday. That's a lot of candles. I thought turning 30 was pretty bad.
The tests were done last year by experts at the Institute for Forensic Medicine in Innsbruck, and the results will be made public in "Mozart: The Search for Evidence," to be screened by state broadcaster ORF.
Past tests were inconclusive, but this time, "we succeeded in getting a clear result," lead researcher Dr. Walther Parson, a forensic pathologist, told ORF. He said the results were "100 percent verified" by a U.S. Army laboratory. I'd like to know what made the veracity of this round of testing conclusive. Mayhap it is a load of BS.
For more than a century, the skull has been in the possession of the International Mozarteum Foundation in Salzburg, the elegant Austrian city where Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart was born on Jan. 27, 1756. If you'd seen the movie, you'd know all of this. Watch the movie. It's excellent!!
Parson said genetic material from scrapings from the skull was analyzed and compared to DNA samples gathered in 2004 from the thigh bones of Mozart's maternal grandmother and a niece. The bones were recovered when a family grave that was opened in 2004 at Salzburg's Sebastian Cemetery.
Mozart died in 1791 at age 35 and was buried in a pauper's grave at Vienna's St. Mark's Cemetery. The location of the grave was initially unknown, but its likely location was determined in 1855.
The grave now is adorned by a column and a sad-looking angel.
Legend has it that a gravedigger who knew which body was Mozart's sneaked the skull out of the grave. The skull -- which is missing its lower jaw -- came to the Mozarteum in Salzburg in 1902, according to Dr. Stephan Pauly, the foundation's director.
The skull long has fascinated experts: In 1991, a French scholar who examined it made the startling -- though unconfirmed -- conclusion that Mozart may have died of complications of a head injury rather than rheumatic fever as most historians believe.
Anthropologist Pierre-Francois Puech of the University of Provence based his belief on a fracture on the skull's left temple. Mozart, he theorized, may have sustained it in a fall, and that would help explain the severe headaches the composer was said to have suffered more than a year before his death.

Poor Kitty

If you know me, you know what a sucker I am for animals. 4 cats, fish, 2 gerbils and a dog (and a partridge in a pear tree!). So is it any surprise this story caught my attention?
Driving down the New Jersey Turnpike can be scary enough. But imagine doing it clinging to the drive train of an SUV.
That was how a gray-and-white domestic shorthair cat traveled for 70 miles before being rescued. The driver was going down the turnpike from Newark to Cherry Hill two days before Christmas when another driver spotted the cat through the wheel well.
The driver took the frightened feline into the Animal Welfare Association in Voorhees. I think he should have kept it, after driving it 70 miles from home. that's what I do every time I find a stray! :)
The association's director speculated that the cat was warming up near the engine when the driver took off.
The cat's paws were burned, a claw was missing and its fur was singed. But otherwise it's OK. The shelter has named the cat "Miracle" and hopes to find someone who will adopt it and keep it inside.

Eventful New Year

I DID catch a nice buzz, but it was given to me through an IV in the emergency room. That's right, I spent my New Years Eve in the ER with an ulcer that popped. Oops. At least the drugs were good, though I could think of better ambiance.

Soldier Watched Daughter's Birth From Iraq

A member of the National Guard stationed in Iraq was able to witness his daughter's birth in Ohio, thanks to the Internet.
Maj. Mitch Gargac saw the birth of his third child Thursday on his laptop from a camera set up in a delivery room in Columbus.
A two-way audio feed also allowed him to talk his wife through the six-hour delivery.
Cadence Marie Gargac was born at 12:59 p.m.
There was a problem with the transmission about an hour before the birth, however, when high traffic cut the video feed.
A friend of Gargac's then asked other soldiers who were online to sign off, and the transmission was restored.
Gargac said, "That was kind of an emotional moment."

2005 Evaluation

So it was a good year. Despite my overall grim take on things.

My kids are living with me again.
I moved in with my man.
I called my best friend/kid's godmother tonight. We have plans for New Years Eve.
I am outta Rockford.
I have something to make my back feel better.
I have great friends. And no enemies that I know of.

Meet Mr. Nice

Another posting that proves my theory that people should be subjected to psychological testing before procreating.
Jim Junior Nice, 33, was charged Thursday with three counts of first-degree murder.
Nice admitted the killings after he was taken into custody, and "appeared despondent over his recent divorce," according to a police affidavit.
He also told police he had taken medications in an attempt to kill himself, the affidavit said.
Fatally poisoned were 6-year-old twins, Justin and Spencer, and a 2-year-old girl, Raquel Anna. The reason behind this abomination? It was to spare the children the pain of having to go through a divorce.
Divorce records show Jim and Leslie Nice lost custody of the children after the 2004 drowning death of a fourth child, 22-month-old Ian Nice, in a ditch at a local park. If the kids had already been through so much trauma and didn't live with the parents, what exactly was his reasoning behind this?

After The Holidays

I am full and I feel fat
Some of the gifts I got made me go "DRAT!!"
I drank too much on Christmas Eve
So that my senses took a temporary leave
Christmas Day I spent in a haze
Watching the Bears in a happy daze
I can't believe we won...off to the playoffs we go
Where Peyton will surely make us feel low
I still have egg nog in the fridge
I feel as if I've lost the will to live.
Boxes and paper litter my floor
I really can't take any more!
Soon it will be New Years Eve
And then I'll surely want to heave
I hate the promise of a brand new start
When all it is, really, is another day to fart.

When Santa Runs Out Of Prozac

Dear Santa,
I've written you for three years now asking for a fire truck.
Please, I really really want a fire truck this year!
Love, Joey

Dear Joey,
Let me make it up to you. Christmas Eve, while you sleep, I'm
gonna torch your house. You'll have more fire trucks than you'll
know what to do with.
- Santa



Dear Santa,
I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas, I'd like for
my mommy and daddy to get back together. Please see what you can
do.
Love, Teddy

Dear Teddy,
What, and ruin that hot affair your dad's still having with the
babysitter? He's banging her like a screen door in a hurricane,
son! Let me get you some nice Legos instead.
- Santa


Dear Santa,
I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and I left carrots
or your reindeer outside the backdoor.
Love, Susan

Dear Susan,
Milk gives me the shits and carrots make the deer fart in my face.
You want to be a kiss-ass? Leave me a glass of Chivas Regal and
some Toblerone.
-Santa



Dear Santa,
I really really want a puppy this year. Please please please PLEASE
- Jimmy

Jimmy,
That whiney-begging shit may work with your folks, but that crap
don't work up here. You're getting a sweater again.
- Santa



Dear Santa,
What do you do the other 364 days of the year? Are you making toys?
Your friend, Thomas

Dear Thomas,
All toys get made in China. I have a condo in Vegas, where I spend
most my time squeezing cocktail waitresses asses, and losing all
my cash at the craps table. Hey, YOU wanted to know!
- Santa



Dear Santa,
I wud like a kool toy space ranjur for Xmas. Iv ben a good boy all
yeer.
YeR FReND, BiLLy

Dear Billy,
Nice spelling. You're on your way to being a career lawncare
specialist. How 'bout I send you a fucking book so you can learn
to read and write? I'm giving your older brother the space
ranger, at least HE can spell!
-Santa



Dear Santa,
I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I ask for is
peace and joy in the world for everybody!
Love, Sarah

Dear Sarah,
Your parents smoked pot when they had you, didn't they?
- Santa



Dear Santa,
I need more Pokemon cards please! All my friends have more Pokemon
cards than me. Please see what you can do.
Love, Michelle

Dear Michelle,
It blows my fucking mind. Kids are forcing their parents to buy
hundreds of dollars worth of these stupid cards, and none of you
snot-nosed brats are even learning to play the game. Let me get
you something more your speed, like "Chutes and Ladders."
- Santa



Dear Santa,
I want a new bike, playstation, a train, some G.I. Joes, a dog,
a drum kit, a pony and a tuba.
Love, Francis

Dear Francis,
Who the fuck names their kid "Francis" nowadays?
- Santa



Dear Santa,
Do you see us when we're sleeping, do you really know when we're
awake, like in the song?
Love, Jessica

Dear Jessica,
You are that gullible? Good luck in whatever you do, I'm skipping
your house...
- Santa



Dearest Santa,
We don't have a chimney in our house, how do you get into our home?
Love, Marky

Mark,
Firstly, stop calling yourself "Marky"; that's why you're getting
your ass whipped at school. Secondly, you don't live in a house,
that's a low-rent apartment complex you're living in. Thirdly, I
get inside your pad just like all the burglars do, through your
bedroom window. Sweet Dreams!
- Santa

Another Rant

Erica at Prudential is a bitch. She lied. All insurance reps lie, especially at this time of year, to boost their bonuses. It is unconcisable. They have no souls.
Corrina is an even BIGGER bitch, because she is a whore in a supervisory position.
I am NOT able to go back to work!! I have 7 doctors willing and able (and they have sent in the proper documentation, in triplicate) to testify to this fact.
I have been taking Xanax like M&M's. It is not helping. I have been drinking rum with a splash of eggnog. It is not helping either.
I am trying not to let this ruin my Xmas.
I will worry about it on the 26th and have a shitty New Year. That's less important, and just another excuse to be drunk!!!!

A Rant

You would think there would be a smidgen of kindness in peoples' hearts this time of year. I guess that does not apply to insurance agencies. There was a "computer glitch" and they told me my benefits had been discontinued as of 11/30. No money this month, honey.
I called this morning and had a much more helpful individual than the day before (thank you Erica!!). Lo and behold, they are not set to expire until 12/26...THEN I expect the real fun to begin, with denials and appeals like it was 2 years ago. Pure hell. ANYWAY. I am getting paid this month, but the funds won't be in there til Friday now, so I am going to be reduced to being one of those last minute assholes rushing and shoving my way through the mall. BAH!
So far, the moving transition has gone well; the boxes are unpacked, the kids are noisy as hell, and we're all having a lot of fun.
Sorry I am not up to my usual lovely prose today; I am a bit wired on caffeine and cold pills!

Weeweechu

One beautiful December evening Huan Cho and his girlfriend Jung
Lee were sitting by the side of the ocean. It was a romantic full
moon, when Huan Cho said "Hey baby, let's play Weeweechu."

"Oh no, not now, lets look at the moon" said Jung Lee.

"Oh, c'mon baby, let's you and I play Weeweechu. I love you and
it's the perfect time," Huan Cho Begged.

"But I rather just hold your hand and watch the moon."

"Please Jung Lee, just once play Weeweechu with me."

Jung Lee looked at Huan Chi and said, "OK, we'll play Weeweechu."

Huan Cho grabbed his guitar and they both sang....."Weeweechu a
Merry Christmas, Weeweechu a Merry Christmas, Weeweechu a Merry
Christmas, and a Happy New Year."

Mom Again

I am SO scared.
After six and a half years, I am going to be a full-time Mom again, with my kids living with me. Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaargh!! Bring on the Xanax. I am elated, terrified to the point of puking on my shoes, and happier than I have been in the whole six plus years.
And did I mention terrified?
They're registered in their new schools, I spent almost $1,500 on a new bedroom set for them and I am (I think) ready for a ravenous 13 year old.
Eeeeeeeeeeeeeek! Will post more once they're here.

I Am SOOOOOOO Bored

...so I decided to see if I can make a list of everyone I've ever known using the entire alphabet. Sounds like a great way to spend a snowy afternoon, dosen't it? Maybe it will take my mind off of the fact that my feet are freakin' FREEZING!!!

A - My dear buddy Adam
B - Ex-friend, would-be stealer of other people's girlfriends Bob. AKA Cheap Whiskey.
C - A girl I used to cheat off of in math class in jr high Corrine
D - Debbie, one of my friends in elementary school
E - Eddie Spaghetti. Hope Xmas in Riga is fun this year!!
F - Nope. No one here.
G - Greg, the first boy I ever kissed. I cornered him in 1st grade under the teacher's desk and planted one on him!!
H - Hanaka, a Japaneese exchange student I was friends with
I - Iona the brilliant artist
J - Jimmy The Shit. A drunk Sox fan.
K - Is for Kelli with whom I used to skip school and shoot pool.
L - Lisa, of whom I do not see nearly enough!
M - My Mom, of course, ha ha ha.
O - Olivia, a mild acquaintence. Her kids are obnoxious.
P - My ex-boyfriend that I would like to burn at the stake for stealing all of my stuff, Pete.
Q - Only through the Harry Potter books, Professor Quirrel
R - Randy, a guy who liked me that I REALLY should have dated
S - The ONLY guy to ever have given me a perfect kiss, Steve. He was also the first one to give me my first "real" kiss.
T - Is for Tony, to whom I lost my virginity. Kissing Steve was MUCH more fun!
U - Another empty spot.
V - Unless I can use last names, I'm drawing a blank for VWXY and Z.That was fun!

Frog Baby?

This falls under the heading of sad more than humorous oddities...

Doctors and nurses at Al-Jomhouri Hospital were surprised on Monday morning while delivering a newborn who was shaped as a frog. The mother, 18, who requested not to be identified, attributed the strange shape to the consumption of drugs during her pregnancy without consulting the physician.
According to her, the medicines she used to take were indisposed analgesics under the term of Vulturine and others without visiting doctors because there isn't any health unit in her locality or close to her residence. The lady was compelled by her relatives to buy analgesics from grocers in the neighborhood.
Nevertheless, the lady had visited the hospital one month prior to her delivery as she has been suffering from severe pains in the left side of her abdomen, the pain was severe to the extent that she was unable to sit down, and made her relatives take her to the hospital with the belief that she had kidney-related problems. After diagnosing her, physicians discovered that the fetus was dead and has congenital deformity and the mother was in a condition of parturition.

Bloody Mary

"South Park" has proved again that nothing's sacred.
The Catholic League for Religious and Civil Rights is condemning an episode of "South Park" that it said "defiled" the Virgin Mary.
The cartoon, which runs on Comedy Central, features an episode this week titled "Bloody Mary," in which a South Park character claims to have been sprayed with blood from a body orifice of a Virgin Mary statue. When Pope Benedict investigates, he declares that she's just having her period.
The Catholic League is urging the board of Viacom, which owns Comedy Central, to apologize to Catholics and stop the episode from airing the next several nights as scheduled.
The Catholic League notes that Viacom board member Joseph Califano is a practicing Catholic, and that Thursday was the church's feast of the Immaculate Conception of the Virgin Mary.

Quiz Results

Your Career Type: Artistic

You are expressive, original, and independent. Your talents lie in your artistic abilities: creative writing, drama, crafts, music, or art. You would make an excellent: Actor - Art Teacher - Book Editor Clothes Designer - Comedian - Composer Dancer - DJ - Graphic Designer Illustrator - Musician - Sculptor The worst career options for your are conventional careers, like bank teller or secretary.

What's Your Ideal Career?

Maroon 5 Shares Your Taste in Music

See their whole playlist here (iTunes required)

Which Musician (or Group) Shares Your Taste in Music?

My Diagnosis

Well, my disc is still herniated. And it is continuing to deteroriate. Now, the docs have decided to give me epidural spinal injections to try and kill the pain. For someone with nine tattoos, you'd think the thought of needles wouldn't be so bothersome. HOWEVER. A tattoo neeedle is tiny. Epidural needles are huuuuuuuuuuuuge. I inadvertantly saw what they stuck into me while I was in labor with my second daughter.
The second dose of bad news is that on top of the herniation, I have degenerative disc disease. What that means, as basically as possible, is that my disc is going to rot away until I am crippled. At some point, I may be a candidate for fusion surgery, where they remove the disc through your back, fuse the spine with metal rods and sew you up for awhile. Then at a later date, they go in through the abdominal cavity and replace the disc with a fake one. Sounds like fun, dosen't it?
On Jan. 16th it will have been 3 years that I've been dealing with this. Attorneys. Doctors. Failed career and school plans. Constant and unrelenting pain.
Ok, I'm done with the pity party. I don't indulge very often, but I felt the need today.

My Poor Bears

The field was soft and muddy and the snow was falling heavily on one of those nasty-weather days most NFL offensive players despise. To Jerome Bettis, the conditions were next to perfect. Next to Da Bears, Steelers are my favorite team in the NFL. I especially love The Bus.
Bettis, the NFL's No. 5 career rusher but a forgotten man much of the season, plowed through the muck and snow for two touchdowns and 101 yards and the Pittsburgh Steelers beat Chicago 21-9 on Sunday to end the Bears' eight-game winning streak. Sigh. I have to give him due credit, but it fries my ass to do so.
A season-long lack of offense finally caught up to the Bears (9-4) as their normally exceptional defense was FAR below par, failing to generate any turnovers despite a day seemingly made for mistakes. Instead, it was made for the 260-pound Bus, a power runner who doesn't need snow tires when the temperatures fall and the going gets rough. "He's a mudder," wide receiver Hines Ward said. "Those were great field conditions for him. People think he's down and out and he had a game like he had today." Another sigh. Even when we lose to them, I can't help but love 'em. This was a HELLA tough game for me to watch, with my divided loyalties.
"We're a lot better defense than we were out there," coach Lovie Smith said. "It was a bad day for the Bears."
No shit.
But when the Bears finally needed him to bring them from behind, Orton (17-of-35, 207 yards) couldn't do it, or come close. Still, Smith never considered pulling him for Rex Grossman, who is back after breaking an ankle during the preseason.
GIVE ME GROSSMAN!!! Even though he's only played a total of 8 games, I'd like to see what he's got. It can't be worse than what we have, though Orton did pull a coupla great passes out of his ass. I don't think he's got "it", and I think Rex does.

ANOTHER Doctor

Off I go to yet another neurologist. To be poked, prodded and bent into painful pretzel-like positions. It promises to be a very unpleasant expierience, as these things usually are.
My hopes are not high; in a likelihood, they will pat me on the head and say that there is nothing they can do for me. The story of my life these past three years.

Weird Holiday News

A Miami Beach man is being called a Scrooge by his neighbors. The reason is his unusual holiday display that is upsetting both parents and children.
The scene: a life sized Santa Claus blindfolded, with his wrists bound, a noose tied around his neck and hung from a tree on west 50th street. If you live near there, take a picture and send it to me! I'll give you $10!! Well...maybe $5. I'd love to see this.

One of Canada's leading cinema chains has stopped handing out Christmas wrapping paper to its patrons after parents complained it featured angels fondling each other suggestively, newspapers reported on Tuesday. The paper features a male angel grasping the breast of his female partner, while she has hold of his genitals, as they kiss. Both are fully clothed in white angel attire.
Mommy, is that how angels are made? Even I have to pooh-pooh this one.

Things I accomplished today

1. Wrapped presents. Broke a friggin' nail right off while doing it too, and did it ever hurt like a bitch! 125 feet of wrapping paper, 2 rolls of tape and a pile of wrapped presents that I have no place to put. Still have tons left to do, but felt like 3 hours was enough time spent.
2. Registered Smelly and Lizard for school. YAY!!
I need better nicknames for the kids. We have a Peanut, Rocky, Smelly and LizardBreath. We are so damaging their psyches.
The kitchen is still a mess, and I DO. NOT. CARE. Jeff is working doubles, so he won't be awake long enough to make note of the disarray.

Stuff I need to do today

My closet looks like Santa Claus' elves vomited in there. There are bags, boxes, boxes and bags. I MUST BEGIN WRAPPING!!! Otherwise I will have to do this much hated chore all in one evening, and that is a deplorable thought. Not even the thought of liberally spiked egg nog makes it any more appealing.
Empty my dishwasher. The dishes will begin to fosilize if I don't get them out of there soon. I've been so busy, we've been eating a lot of take-out lately, and my kitchen area is none to spiffy looking.
Register the kids for school. Peanut said I should let them take the next six months off...nice to know he's sticking up for his step-sisters. I told him that was a no-go, that they'd have to get jobs and learn to drive. Since they're too young, all that falls under the heading of child labor. I much prefer to keep that labor force at home for now folding laundry and scrubbing out the tub.
And shopping. I must once again venture out into retail hell and purchase MORE things, which will go into the closet and add to the mess.
So...I'd better suck down the rest of my coffee and get my ass in gear!!

I Am A Cat

Big surprise, considering I have 4.
Toby is my first, and my favorite. Jr. is the antisocial lil fucker I got to keep cat #1 company. If Toby didn't love him so much, I'd get rid of him.
Annie is the stray I took in, gave away, and she came back to me. She is mine by default, because she chose me. I love her to death. I think she just loves my warm couch and a full bowl of food.
Harley is another charity case; blind in both eyes and a klutz because of it and ugly as sin to boot. He has the most lovable personality of ANYONE...cats, dogs and PEOPLE included!!

Feline
You are Sexy and domeneering and love to be in
control, you are pamperd beyond belif and your
life revolves around you, people don't hate you
for this actually they envy you you have it
all!


what were you in your past life?
brought to you by Quizilla

Put The Snap Back In Your Turtle

It's enough to raise your blood pressure. Or cancel your prescription for Viagra.
Seniors looking for information about the new Medicare prescription drug program got one of those phone sex hotlines instead.
Humana, a health insurance company, sent out letters to thousands of people who asked about the new program. The letter lists a toll free 1-800 number for info.
But there's a typo in the phone number. Imagine that...insurance companies making a mistake!
Instead of Medicare information, callers are hearing a pitch for something called "Intimate Encounters." Humana spokesman Dick Brown (the PERFECT guy to use as a spokesman in this instance) said the mistake is "very unfortunate." He said the number is being corrected for future mailings.

Beat Me

A dominatrix probably isn't what donors to a New York charity had in mind.
Abraham Alexander is charged with stealing money from the charity he runs, in part to pay for beatings by a dominatrix. Prosecutors accuse Alexander of embezzling more than $237,000 in heart disease research funds from the Cardiovascular Research Foundation.
According to authorities, Alexander paid $11,000 to a woman who calls herself Lady Sage. According to her Web site, Lady Sage charges $250 an hour or $1,500 for an eight-hour session.
This does NOT fall under the heading of charitable donations. Perhaps it would if he had ejaculated, and then donated it to a sperm bank.

What Are Politics?

A kid goes to his dad and asks, "Dad, what are politics?"
His dad replies, " Put it this way; I am the breadwinner of the family so I am capatilism. Your mom is the owner of the money so she is government. The government is the provider for the people so you are the people. Your baby brother will be the future, and the nanny is the working class. Now think about that."
So he went to bed. He was woken by his brother. The baby had pooped in his diaper. He went to tell his parents, but he only found his mom asleep in the bed. He didn't want to wake her, so he went to the nanny. The door was locked. He checked through a hole and saw the dad in bed with the nanny. He went back to bed. The next morning, he went to his dad and said, "Dad I know what you mean now."
"You do? Tell me."
"OK, while capatilism is screwing the working class, the government is sound asleep, while the people are watching the future being pooped on!!!"

My Final Resting Place

So much for my dream to have my ashes spread in Soldier Field. Apparently, such things are illegal.
The Eagles season is going down in flames, but that's not the reason a man was busted trying to spread ashes on the field Sunday.
Christopher Notboom, 44, of Tempe, Ariz., was arrested during the game at Philadelphia's Lincoln Financial Field. He told police he wanted to spread the ashes of his dead mother, who was a loyal Eagles fan.
Notboom was trying to fulfill his mother's dying wish when he charged the field and spread her cremated ashes onto the field during the Eagles-Packers game.
His mother was from Doylestown, Pa., and died of emphysema in January.
Football fans watched Notboom run on the field waving a bag in his right hand, spreading the ashes near the 50-yard line.
He then made the sign of the cross and laid face first on the field as he was apprehended by Eagles security.
Notboom is charged with defiant trespassing, which is a misdemeanor. His hearing is scheduled for next month.
A team spokeswoman said the Eagles have gotten requests to spread ashes in the past, but it's never allowed.
Sounds like I'm doomed to spend eternity on someone's fireplace mantle. I guess it coud be worse...my Aunt and my Grandfather are in a closet!!

Toxic Fetish

Everyone's man has a fetish. Feet are popular. So are butts, breasts, legs and jell-o.
Meet Sean Kobin. The Wisconsin man, a freak if ever there was one, will be spending time in a Milwaukee jail due to his toxic sexual compulsion. Kobin, you see, gets off by watching women vomit, a process he helps along by feeding them caustic liquid substances.
The 20-year-old was charged earlier this month with felony reckless injury when a woman suffered serious chemical burns after drinking a solution containing sodium hydroxide, a bleach-like substance that Kobin told cops he used at his job to strip aluminum from copper. When Chrystal Kolinski fell to the ground and began vomiting blood, Kobin captured her agony with a camcorder, according to a Circuit Court criminal complaint.
Kolinski, 33, told investigators that Kobin had pestered her for days to drink an "unknown liquid" which, she thought, "just tasted gross and would not hurt her." Instead, Kobin's brew nearly killed her, causing severe burns to the single mother's esophagus and stomach.
Kinda makes my fur-lined handcuffs seem tame by comparison.

My Ode To The Holidays

Thursday I gorged on turkey
Until my stomach felt a wee bit murky
Stuffing, potatoes and pumpkin pie too
Did nothing to ease my urge to poo.
Friday I sat
Feeling very fat
In sweatpants and slippers watching the shoppers gather
On-line shopping I'd much rather
SALE SALE SALE was the chant
Whilst elbows were thrown in a rant
CLICK CLICK went my mouse,
Packages delivered straight to my house
Postal service, UPS and FedEx
I thought to myself, "This is better than sex!"
Free shipping to boot,
I bought many things that are just so cute.
So even though I stayed in the house
With my dog and cats, quiet as a mouse
Retail giants need not despair
I did more damage to my credit than I can repair.

Sticky Fingers

Planning a wedding is fun. Picking out the flowers, torturing your bridesmaids with hideous dresses. I look forward to the day when Jeff and I start planning our own wedding.
Hopefully, we can trust our friends. In Brownsville, TX ome wedding guests are suspected of helping themselves to the happy couple's presents.
A police report says $2,500 in cash and gifts are missing from a "money tree" at the reception.
The not-so-happy couple told police they believe a two of their guests pocketed some of the cash as the tree was being taken down after the reception.
Apparently the party favors weren't enough for the sticky-fingered wedding guests.

Black Friday & Friends

What a blissful day. While the ones who are prone to trample-related injury rise at 3:00 AM to stand outside and freeze, I am snug as a bug in my little bed, sleeping triptophan induced dreams.
We did brave the horde and head to Best Buy. I had in in my head that I wanted the Friends Boxed Set, and try as I might I couldn't being myself to pay over $200 to watch the antics of Phoebe & Joey again. Chandler's wit IS priceless, but I think I'll try my luck on Ebay. There has GOT to be a cheaper way for me to get these DVDs. It is my one driving ambition this holiday season...and the only thing I really want.

Gays Need Not Apply

I like to think I am pretty liberal in my thinking; live and let live, as long as you don't hurt anyone in the process. After all, I am a card-carrying member of the "I don't give a shit" generation. Or I used to be, before I started paying taxes and lived a few years without health insurance!
The stance the Cathoic church has my ass up on my shoulder though, with the proclamation that says sexually active homosexuals and those who support gay culture are unwelcome in the priesthood, unless the candidate has gotten over homosexual tendencies for at least three years.
The church won't let gays marry. Homosexuality is a sin. Yet they're willing to drop their standards and let gay men become preists. In the position they've been in lately, with priests being brought up on molestation charges, one would think this would be the last thing that they would want. "Check the little box that says 'heterosexual' to gain enrty into seminary, please."
One does not "overcome" gayness. It's a part of who you are; ingrained into you culture by way of your relationships, by the company you keep and how society as a whole views you.
And who set the three year parameter? Poof! After 1,095 days all traces of gayness have vanished from you, as if a fairy has waved her sparkling magic wand, sprinkled tastefully color coordinated fairy dust all over you, and you are now heterosexual?
Perhaps I shouldn't have used a fairy to make that analogy. Oops.

Therapy

Have I been deliquient about posting!!
Shopping is my excuse. Bed Bath & Beyond. Peir 1. Target. I have put some major damage on my pieces of plastic BEFORE the retail giants expect me to. But I am ahead of the game; I got some amazing deals, crossed off over half of my list and still have over a month before Xmas arrives. YAHOO!!!!!
In my recent hiatus I have also discovered the secret to getting your man to behave. It is a sneaky and underhanded trick. It hurt me to have to stoop so low, but boy, was the payoff ever worth it!!
Simply put, I told him I was going to marry another man.
Then I played sick for two days while he ran around and took care of all the kiddos (well, I wasn't really playing. I DID have a fever of 100.7 degrees). He brought me dinner in bed, felt my forehead every few minutes and yelled at me about my germs when I tried to kiss him.
Yesterday, he came home from work and then took me to our neighboorhood tavern to meet for drinks with one of the guys he works with. Then, in a stroke of apologetic genius, he took me to Menards, where we spent 45 minutes and $100 picking out ornaments for our tree. Then we came home and ordered Chineese food.
What a guy..even if I DID have to stoop uncharestically low to get him to act like this!!

Insurance Companies

Gallagher-Basset. Prudential. These are two names that cause the bile to rise into the back of my throat. Their reps are condesending. Their policies are skewed. The ammount of paperwork one has to file is astonishing. Yet even after all of that, NOTHING gets accomplished.
I have a back injury, which means that when I am not plopped on the couch watching HBO all day, I am on the phone with theese eijits. Eijits!! Yes, that is a valid word when applied to insurance reps.
My counter looks like a pharmacy with all the pills I take. I have gained SO much weight because I can't jog in the morning.
Loss of income, loss of my sense of self. How do you put a price tag on these things? I spend all day in a vicodin induced haze to try and dull the pain, which almost never works.
And as a topper today, it is snowing. Itty bitty white flakes are being driven into my window with gale force winds. Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrgh!!

The Perfect Sunday

A pot of chili bubbling in the crock pot. Not only do the Bears win, but one of the. Best. Plays. Ever. occured (of course, I was at Dominicks on a booze run. I left with 34 seconds left in the half, not thinking anything good was going to happen). I have seen the replay about 87 times so far though.
Tess is being adorable, chewing on her Packer's sweatshirt.
Right now Jeff is asleep on the couch with the race on, and I am blogging. Neither one of us took a shower today (ew!!) and we're just sitting around in sweats. My brain is mush.
Tomorrow I will think of something profound to post. Today I am just enjoying domestic bliss.

A disturbed Brooklyn man who believed his mother loved the family dog more than him hurled the pooch out a fifth-floor window to its death Friday afternoon after attacking his mom, police and relatives said."He had a mental problem and he's smoking the reefer," his mom said. "It was eating his brain cells."
Having known more than a few potheads in my time, I find it hard to believe that a hardcore bud smoker would have the energy to carry out this task. If he ate the dog after a raging case of the munchies, I'd be more apt to buy into the plausibility behind the story. Most likely, the dog was a yappy little fucker who was kiling the guy's buzz.

New Blog

I started a new photo blog of pics of our family.
I do not promise to update it on a regurlar basis.
I do not promise to always post flattering pictures.
But it'll give all of you out in the blogosphere an idea of what I have to deal with!

Pictures Of Us

2 Weeks 'Till Turkey Day

...and then the real horror of the holidays begins. Putting up the tree. Putting the tree up again. I have four cats, and the tree seems to suffer at least one catnip-related casualty each year. Last year, I anchored the damn thing to the wall with fishing line. All of my ornamnets are plastic and wood. The cat poo, at least, is pretty and sparkly for a month, since they have an affinity for ingesting tinsel.
After the tree is safely secured, I am presented with the dilemma that shopping presents. Do I order on-line and hope that everything arrives in time? This can lead to some nasty run ins with my friendly neighborhood mail carrier. She is a nice old lady, and I have no wish to whack her over the head with my umbrella because a package is late in showing up on my doorstep.
Lotto tickets are cheezy. Gift cards are too easy. Wish me luck as I begin the elusive hunt for the perfect gifts this holiday season. At least my fiancee and I are covered; we decided to buy ourselves a "joint" gift this year...we're finally joining the masses and will have a DVR.
If it's still a scramble to find that perfect gift this holiday season, do what 4 percent of consumers do -- stop by the local convenience store and pick up something (grin) I have been known to buy a few last minute things at Walgreens on Christmas Eve.

The Kids Aren't Alright

As a parent, I know I am full of failures both large and small. The news is constantly full of horrible stories of parents neglecting and abusing their children. There is no call for this; yet it is rare to read about a case of children killing a parent. Not to say it is unheard of, but rare.
In Brampton, Canada a mother’s descent into alcoholism drove her two teenage daughters to drown her in a bathtub, court heard today as the eldest girl recounted her crimes in dramatic videotaped evidence presented during the first day of their trial."Only four minutes . . . that’s how long I held her head under water for. After that she just kept convulsing and twitching."
It’s alleged the sisters, who were 15 and 16 at the time, planned their mother’s death in January 2003 by making sure she was drunk when she took her bath. They also fed her an undisclosd ammount of Tylenol 3. Codiene and booze. They could have dispensed entirely with the drowning and let the chemical cocktail do the work forr them.

Speaking In Chicago

Go anywhere in the country, and we Chicagoans are immedeatley recognized for the way we talk. Maybe it's the way our 'a' and 'r' sounds come straight down our nasal passages. A pop isn't something you do to your buddy when he's pissed you off, for us it's that drink with bubbles in it the rest of the world calls soda. What is a garitchkey? It's the key that opens the building where you store your car. Hopefully, after you've had a couple two tree beers at the tavern, you'll be able to use your garitchkey!
Language is strange no matter where you're from.
There is no egg in the eggplant
No ham in the hamburger
And neither pine nor apple in the pineapple.
English muffins were not invented in England
French fries were not invented in France.
We sometimes take English for granted
But if we examine its paradoxes we find that
Quicksand takes you down slowly
Boxing rings are square
And a guinea pig is neither a pig or from Guinea.
If writers write, how come fingers don't fing.
If the plural of tooth is teeth
Shouldn't the plural of phone booth be phone beeth
If the teacher taught,
Why didn't the preacher praught.
If a vegetarian eats vegetables
What on earth does a humanitarian eat!?
Why do people recite at a play
Yet play at a recital?
Park on driveways and
Drive on parkways
You have to marvel at the unique lunacy
Of a language where a house can burn up as
It burns down
And in which you fill in a form
By filling it out
And a bell is only heard once it goes!
English was invented by people, not computers
And it reflects the creativity of the human race
(Which of course isn't a race at all)
That is why
When the stars are out they are visible
But when the lights are out they are invisible
And why it is that when I wind up my watch
It starts
But when I wind up this poem
It ends.

Cheerleaders Gone Wild

By now we all know about TO's ego being out of control & the fact that he won't be playing (hallelujah chorus) for the rest of the year. But here is some lesser known sports trivia from the weekend:
Two Carolina Panthers cheerleaders were charged after their arrest at a bar where witnesses told police the women had sex in a restroom. Wonder what they did with their pom-poms while this was going on?!?
Renee Thomas, 20, of Pittsboro, N.C., and Angela Keathley, 26, of Belmont, N.C., were taken to Hillsborough County Jail early Sunday.
The cheerleaders were kicked off the team Monday for violating a signed code of conduct, Panthers spokesman Charlie Dayton said. The two violated a rule that bans conduct that's embarrassing to the team or organization.
Witnesses said the women were having sex with each other in a stall, angering patrons waiting in line to get into the restroom at the club in the Channelside district.
Thomas was charged with battery Sunday after allegedly striking a bar patron when she was leaving the restroom, then landed in even more trouble after police said she gave officers a driver's license belonging to another Panthers cheerleader.
Thomas, who made the trip to Florida for Sunday's game between the Panthers and Tampa Bay Buccaneers, was released from jail on $500 bail before police learned she was not the person she claimed to be.
Providing police with a false name is a misdemeanor. However, Thomas was charged Monday with giving a false name and causing harm to another - a third-degree felony punishable by probation or a jail term of one to five years, said police spokeswoman Laura McElroy.

Depressed

It was a superhuman effort to even get out of bed today. Now that I have risen, all I want to do is crawl back in & hide underneath my covers, re-read Harry Potter & The Half-Blood Prince and eat cheetos.

SIGNS YOU MAY BE SUFFERING FROM DEPRESSION

* You've got enough Prozac in your purse to tranquilize King Kong.

* You really lose it whenever someone says, "Good morning."

* You spend more time in bed than a hooker at a Shriners convention.

* You keep your house so dark that mushrooms are growing in the carpet.

* Given a choice, you'd have no preference between sex or a root canal.

* On a really bad day, you wouldn't come to the door if it was Publishers Clearing House.

* You list Dr. Kevorkian as a character reference.

* Alcohol gives you strength and food settles your nerves.

* Your hands shake so badly that you can brush your teeth without any voluntary movement.

* You've cried so much that your contacts have rusted to your eyeballs.